Winter investigation

The winter is holding its breath, the Nature is hiding the colours. Like all the green, red, blue, yellow and other shades are sucked under the ground. Is the vital life hiding somewhere until it is time to spread over the fields and up in the trees? - to be seen and to be heard again. 

During the Christmas weekend I put on my old boots and went for a walk in the woods. It was windy and I was glad when I got deeper, following the small paths. The further I got, the more protected I felt. There was no decoration, there was no signs of the holiday season. The natural world took it easy, the plants were showing their winter positions. The trees were like statues with their dramatic poses and the grass made deep stretching toward the ground. Some sort of yoga, silent and done with the highest patience. 

Even the days are slowly getting longer again, I totally lost my sense of time when having my dreamy walk. The darkness surprised me and I was supposed to walk back along the country road. The half an hour walk from the forest to the village. There was no pedestrian part, I just walked on the side of the small highway. No street lights and I did not wear any reflectors. I stepped to the side every time I heard a car coming closer. The walk was getting longer than planned and my mind started to create stories. 

The whole empty scenery started to look like a living crime story. I was seeing myself from the outside and how I wanted to get fast home. I saw in my mind how one car would stop and how I would refuse to get inside when offered a ride. I saw myself running through the fields escaping. I saw myself shouting "help" and seeing far away light, people celebrating the christmas in their warm houses. 

When the fear started lurking in my mind and tried to take the charge and when the only evidence of movement was the light line from the passing car. I moved my feet, stopped and let the silence and the darkness whisper the supporting words. I stopped listening my imagination and started to trust in the moment. Enjoying being the only one in that minute whitnessing the beauty of the moment. Like a reindeer or like a wolf, letting myself to be part of the wild world.

The turbulence of mind was getting slower and my eyes got used to the dark shades. The abstract forms of the blowing air and the walking, balancing on a muddy side of the road. One of the nicest moments in this weekend. 

The landscape looked so untouched next morning, like there was no mystery created by human mind. No evidence of the dark side steps. Everything was on the same spot...

like this leave, resting and taking everything as it comes. The year will change soon, the bigger number will be the symbol of the new start and the new set of our seasons. Let it be a good year and full of love, health and respect to every living form in this planet. This means we better investigate and study our possibilities to make things better in our personal lives and with a connection to the environment both locally and globally. Unfortunately we can't just take it as it comes, because the balance between the natural world and the creations of human mind is already shaken and we live in turbulence. But still, with a positive mind and full of hope I wish you a good and a happy new year !!

A Grey palette

Very many mornings in the winter time are appearing misty and mysterious. When the darkness goes away, the grey wall takes the place and seems to hide the secrets of the word behind it. The soft looking air is inviting for walks at the park or even in the centre of the City. It seems this grey filter is making the nature and the busy streets looking like a black and white movie scenery. This inspired me one morning to have a little adventure in Amsterdam. 

Waking up by walking first in the foggy Nature and almost feeling the thickness of the moist, sparkling air. Some drops falling from the low hanging clouds, drinking the watery air by every breath I took. It was almost like being out of the City. The mist made all the sounds soft, the sounds of the distant traffic was pushed away with my misty morning walls. The dutch winter romance painted by the clouds without a colour, making the horizon invisible. The time almost stopped, the movement disappeared. I had to step out from this wonder moment, to go and see if the City still existed. 

And the life had not disappeared. The cohesion of living energy stimulated me, my thoughts and my day! Clearing the mist from my slow November mood and giving me some inspiration again. How many secrets this City has and how the creativity is blooming in the stony streets. There are also tourists even the winter time is more quiet, but the tourism is always present in the centre. Bringing the money and possibilities, but also making the life more tight and expensive in the central areas. The most charming thing in the Central part of Amsterdam is the presence of the history and the local ideas and the people. 

The reputation as a big fun entertainment park with coffeeshops, drugs and commercial sex seems like a far away reality for most of the local people and families. For me this place is a treasure world of art, history, food and freedom. But there is so many different ways to see Amsterdam, depending on the age and the interests you have. There is something for everybody for sure. This is one of the most inspiring cities in Europe, but the peace and the beauty of it should be also protected.

a nice, modern houseboat!

Noordermarkt, a nice coffee and apple pie in this corner cafe.

You can't avoid the surprise element when walking by the canals and the streets of Amsterdam. I was walking along the Princengracht (a famous canal with many small shops, museums and sights like Anne Frank house). I started my walk from the Noordemarkt, where is a big second hand and a food market on every monday and saturday. A good place to watch the people and have a coffee.

The best surprise of the day for me was to find this little art gallery called Ron Mandos. I had walked this street so many times and never seen the gallery before. I went inside and watched the actual exhibition of Isaac Julien : Looking for Langston. The exhibition showed photographs and a film. Julien is making a nostalgic portrait of a Langston Hughes, who was fighting against the racism and the discrimination by his writings and poetry and standing for the African-American culture. He was a gay, but never openly came out. At the exhibition you can see and feel how the desire and the sexual identity was somehow forced to be hidden in early decades of 20th century and how being a African-American gay was far beyond accepted and how things have changed later on. It was interesting to see this art collection as my last visit was the Marilyn Monroe exhibition. The process of studying the feminine and the masculine goes on!

Every day is unique, based on the perspective we choose by being active or sometimes adapting to the given situation or just doing something we have to do. Our choices are often based on the mood and the energy level we have. Even this misty, dark season makes me more tired, I have decided to fight against it a bit by making stimulating and mindful choices in every day life. 

Grey days can be charming. I find grey colour calming and I associate it as a symbol of trust and stability. Like we need the normal days with our routines, many of them. And sometimes this reality is broken or celebrated with strong colours, but the grey will come back...giving us the balance we need.

A Sandy Sunday walk

Many greetings from a sunny and frozen Amsterdam. I have been thinking of you and I wanted to write sooner, but the time was flying and I had other things and missions to do during the last two weeks. This morning is a beautiful one and I will send you some of this positive feeling by showing you some sunday pictures from the beach.

A view from the dunes to Bloemendaal beach

My daughter walking with the stick she found. 

The sun was shining every now and then through the clouds. The atmosphere was surreal.

So many mussels at the beach.

My children like to draw at the beach. Reminded of my own childhood.

A good outdoor walk makes me think more about life. I was smiling and happy seeing so many families having a sunday walk and people being sporty, taking care of themselves. There was no stress to be seen and the wind was like cleaning the mind and airing the brain!

There were many surfers of Sunday. It was lovely to watch even the waves are not so high in Holland.

One thing that I was thinking on my walk:

I went to a Marilyn Monroe exhibition one week ago. This "90 years of Ms.Monroe", showing the collection of personal belongings of this female icon, is making the story of her life somehow understandable in the context of the time she lived in and taking concern of her personal background. The transformation of Norma Jean into Marilyn Monroe is interesting. She had a difficult childhood and she was living in foster homes, because her mother had mental issues and the father was not in her life. She seemed to have a very big need to be accepted, respected and seen. She wanted to become a big movie star and she did it. We see in many ways a ready final product of this charming, blond, seductive actor and make our judgements based on that. The exhibition made me understand that she was not stupid, she worked hard, had many talents and she knew what she wanted and how to use her feminine powers to achieve things. At the same time she went too far I think, and could not be really happy in the end. The image and the icon she was, seemed to be partly made in the cost of her real personality. Maybe that was the only way that time for a lady like her and her background to reach the goal and get the attention. She had the charisma and she had more personal ambition than is seen in the movies and the roles she played. "I do not mind to live in a mens world if I can be a woman in it" is one of the famous expressions of her. At the same time she was crossing some lines and breaking some rules of the feminine roles in the conservative decades. But also using the typical, vamp and the innocent neighbourhood girly appearance to get famous. The sad, mysterious end of her life either a suicide or a murder... goes in a way back to the tragedy of her childhood. 

I have been thinking the femininity and masculinity since I saw this exhibition. How the differences in these natural powers are effecting our lives and how these qualities are both in us, different amounts and melted, mixed...like a the most raw, sensual, vulnerable and deepest qualities in our humanity.   

I think the natural way we are and excist is the most important thing in us to be protected. I just wanted to point this out, because it seems sometimes to be forgotten that we are part of the natural world too and we have to protect and respect ourselves and other people. The social media today seems to be a format for many people to reach out, get the attention, try to get famous and get some feedback from strangers. You can find some support and maybe even real friend there, good people exist :-), but I hope no one does this on a cost of the self respect and the real beauty in us. 

The childhood is an important part of our life. There we have the space to learn and experiment our drives and interests if we are lucky. We get to know our basic self and find our strengths in a supportive environment. Even a difficult childhood gives us a lesson, but can block our creativity and freedom in many ways. But still working on yourself, finding your unique way of life and finding your talents is possible at every age. Letting go of the old patterns and making a change can give a new chances in life.  I feel good, because I know my children are happy and I hope they will also stay good friends as adults.

The circle of life or a straight path of life --- depending on how we want to see it. I see it in both ways: going further to the unknown horizon, maybe having some important stops on our way and  at the same time our life is like circles. We are returning back to the centre of the spiral, collecting the energy from there and following the circle, reaching longer with our personal spiral. I think we always have the opportunity to find back to our original, pure spirit and we have to do this going back every now and then. Strengthening the roots of our existence is feeding the growth of our mind and personality.

Reflecting

A reflection is catching and pointing out the shape of the object and the reflecting surface seems to be like a gate to the other dimension and to the unknown, secret world. As a child one of my favourite fantasy was to wonder and think if I could experience the world up side down. It was fun to watch the ceiling and think how much more interesting the home would be if I could walk there and have that empty, minimal space for running and playing.

This is just an example of how changing the perspective can make the ordinary things more mysterious, beautiful and exciting. And this sort of skill, that we maybe learned as a child in one of those lazy afternoons, when there was nothing to do..is actually one of the most important skills in life. Finding new ways to look at the situation and the world, finding other solutions, changing the direction of our thinking and reflecting ourselves in the social connections with others. This can make us more flexible and "giving" in our relationships with other people and more aware of our environment. We learn so much by watching and imitating the actions of other people or even registering the non living elements around us. 

The neuroscience is studying the meaning of the "mirror neurons" in the contexts of learning empathy, language and understanding the actions of other people. These neurocells were first found from the apes, but the neuroscience is still trying to find the final prove, that we as humans have those cells too. Anyway I like the idea of this ability to mirror the actions of other people by following, imitating, learning from them and this way understanding also our own behaviour better.

The mirroring surface is writing the story of our reality in unexpected ways and making the scenery abstract. The sun is sending a long distance waves, touching gently our planet, reaching sometimes hidden corners and warming up our face in sunny days.

The rain has been making big puddles on the streets during the last week. Like the sky was crying the lost of the warm season or maybe giving a nice shower for the plants and the trees in the nature. And if there would be snow one day, it would powder the naked shapes with the glittering beauty of winter. Until then, I will enjoy the reflections. 

Changing the perspective is keeping us curious and we seem to need these moments in our everyday life too. We have to make decisions based on the information, based on the ethics or how we feel. We want to make the right moves in our personal life and also in a bigger scale. Actually the whole life and existence seems to be like a big, reflecting mystery, which is endlessly changing the form. In the end we have to trust in our own vision and in our own special meaning in this world and find the contexts where some goals can be reached.

Part of the harbour area seen from the North side of IJ-river.

I seem to be in a abstract mood, dropping the words from my mind. Trying the organise the flashes of visions into understandable sentences. 

I crossed the river this week, took the ferry to the North side of Amsterdam. There is so many layers of history to watch in Amsterdam. I like the old houses by the canals, but somehow I am always more fascinated of the modern lines and shapes. I went to visit the film museum EYE to the other side of the Ij-river, opposite the central station. The public transportation boats are taking the locals and the tourists almost non stop speed across the water during the day. You do not have to wait for the next ferry for a long time and the crossing takes about 10 minutes. So near is this reflecting side of Amsterdam where you can admire the City view from distance. In Eye museum you visit the exhibition, go to a movie or just have a coffee in this fascinating house (opened 2012) designed by the Delugan Meissl Associated architects. 

The EYE museum on the left and a new Amsterdam Tor  beside it . The boats transporting people on the right.

The entrance to the film institute EYE

The creativity in us gives endless opportunities for reflecting our inner world and strengthens our bond to ourselves, the other people and the world. My motivation for taking the pictures and writing is also an attempt to try to understand myself better and express how I see the real and unreal. Like this I can have a look to the other side of the mirror, like watching me through the text and via the picture gates. I also like the thought that someone, a person with his or her own vision is seeing my words and giving me company like that - reflecting and mirroring the abstract world we live in. This is our bridge to the other side.

Whispers of wisdom

I want to make an important journey. A journey to my mind. I know I have some acute issues at the moment I have to deal with. I guess we all have every now and then. The nature helps me to empty my mind from the unnecessary sidetracks, but the main track I have to find out myself. This is also seasonal, I feel every autumn a need to focus a little bit how I am and how I relate to the world and people around me. I know there are some rocks on the way, but I have to do this trip. I have been avoiding it too long. I accept I need other people too to face myself and I will be happy to find and hear some wise words and experiences from others. I popped into some wise thoughts during the morning hours and my visit to the book shop. Like...

"As a sensitive person, I can easily get stucked in feelings and start to feel sorry for myself...but sometimes feelings are just part of life and you need to get used to and get over."

"Sometimes happiness really is a choice."

"The difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude."

I found this book this morning from the book shop and maybe learn how to whisper to my mind. After finding the book I started to smile and trust I can change something if I want to. If I can develop every year a little bit, I can be a decent person one day :-).Normally spoken I am positive, but there are some triggers that are easily shaking this positive side. We have to take care of ourselves and the other people in our lives. Seeing, reading, being good, trying a new tactic and listening can open another chapter in our life and in our mind.