Dear Helsinki

The longest period of my adulthood so far, I used to live in Helsinki - Finland. It is a place where I studied, got new friends, worked, learned to be independent, had fun, made mistakes and was trying to find out who I am. It was more like living in a moment and not worrying too much about the future. From that perspective the Future was often so far away. There was a big feeling of freedom.

I was shortly visiting Helsinki last weekend. I did not have time to see all my old friends, but there will be other times and places when & where we can see each other again. Walking beside the sea and seeing the houses and familiar spots made me happy. I did focus this time just spending time at Kaivopuisto, a park area near the sea, and did not really go to shopping streets. I just wanted to say "Hi" to my old home, Helsinki. I wanted to feel the strong wind, smell the fresh air and feel if there is still a sparkle between me and Helsinki.

The sea and being able to see the far away horizon are very important to me. At the same time I am a little bit afraid of the strength of the huge water element. Looking at the horizon and the endless movement of the sea can give hope and give a feeling everything is possible. This trip was a bit melancholic one and I think the big reason for that were the news  from Paris, which I heard just before my trip. That was partly the reason why I wanted to have walks by the sea and then go back to the safe home of my good friend. It felt I had never been away from Helsinki, like I could go next week again to see my friends and have a coffee at the old market hall. The tragedy is that the personal and common feeling of safety can be attacked by violence and hate. Everything can be changed in a very short moment, everything can be unfair. The emptiness behind the acts of war or terrorism, the selfish explanations behind hurting other people emotionally and physically or killing them...are sad. 

To find a connection again with yourself, with your real emotions, with your friends and family. Forgiveness, friendship, respect and being able to be happy for others or give help when it's needed.

The biggest gift for me, when I walked around in Helsinki alone and spent time with my friends..even had a big night out, was that I felt accepted as the person I am & how I understood again where I come from. It made me feel again a little insecure, because my deepest emotions were touched. I felt again the same way as I used to, like I was living in my home country again. The connection was not lost. 

I love the rocky landscape by the seaside in Helsinki. There are not as big sandy beaches like in Holland, but the meeting point of the rocks and the water is beautiful. The best spot to have a picnic in a warm season. I will be back more often, I promise!

Thank you Helsinki for being you and giving me good memories again!

A poetic jog in Vondelpark

I did not sleep well last night, but felt fit enough to go for a jog in Vondelpark. I think the body is sending messages when you really need to do some work out. I just got ready right after waking up, brought the kids to school with my sporty outfit and had a great round at the park. I never regret going jogging! That is why I always go if I feel I should. 

I ran about 7 kilometres and found a very good rhythm of my own. Some jogs are better, like you had chosen the right moment to go and  you find it easy to breathe and the legs are working like a machine. I find it easier to jog alone. I don't want to talk or even listen to music. I want to empty my head of any disturbing thoughts. I just want to let go and let my head fly above the clouds and move my body. After jogging I feel so balanced, like the connection to every muscle of my body from head to feet are reloaded.

I did first the physical work and after a run I made an extra round by walking. I wanted to have a better look around in the park. Just to stop whenever I wanted to make a stronger memory from this morning. This was a good recipe after a restless night.

I found it very poetic this morning in Vondelpark. I just had my phone with me to take photos, but I captured these moments as well as I could. The reflections by the water were like paintings. The sky was blue and there was enough of sun, which made all the shadows and colours stronger. After getting rid of the physical stress by running, my mind was clearer and I was focused to see the details around me.

Doing sport can help to see the bigger picture and then you are not just stuck to the circles of your daily thoughts. New ideas and taking actions need sometimes some fire, a kick to go further. For me the best mental boost often is doing some sport. A healthy mind in a healthy body is the ultimate goal.

Even I if I don't need company when I'm jogging, I really don't like to be totally alone at the park. It's motivating to see other people doing their own rounds with their own phase. There are also groups doing sport outside or people with personal trainer doing exercise. Every person has their own motivation to move or be fit, but whatever the motivation is, you will always get more than you think. Just keeping the amount of sport reasonable and listening your own needs.

Living in Amsterdam is full of funky contrasts. After my nature part, coming out from the gate of the park, I faced the urban and sometimes ugly reality. But there is lot of beauty behind the rough looking facade. I have the feeling that everything is changing all the time and I am part of it. Like a living painting, reflecting and  shining differently in every day.

A water can

I have had difficulties to remember to give water to my flowers & plants at the balcony and terrace. Because the warm days are over and I don't go there so often anymore...I just forget. I have to be more nice to my plants! I popped into a great shop called "de Balkonie" today near Mercatoplein (de Baarsjes, Amsterdam). A very nice small shop for the city-gardeners: nice green plants, small furniture for the balconies, pots, books, home decoration and many useful things for your garden and other outdoor spaces. I bought finally a bigger water can for my balcony and these two glass cubes to decorate my home.

You can put any sort of decoration inside these. I will do some experimenting later on. I started with my Aloe and with few stones from the river of my old hometown in Germany. 

I was so focused on looking around at the shop that I forgot to take a few pictures from there. I have one not so clear photo, but I post it here anyway.

I will go back to get one of those purple/red airplants that are located on the table in this pic. They look good inside the glass cube. These plants get their water from the air. Sounds suitable for me and the Dutch rainy winter! The air is so moist in this weather.

Green mix for sunday!

I think it is important to collect all possible green and colourful energy from the nature to survive the long winter. It is like all saved memories can feed the brain...giving the impulse to keep on going, because the green season will come back.

As the living trees and the pieces of human made art which are located in the nature, it is good for us to feel the power of seasons. I love the wind and rain as much as the sun or bright, cold winter days with snow. The best therapy to lift your mood is just make the effort to go outside and interact with the environment. By moving the body and using all our senses that way without any specific task or goal, we collect our whole body and mind together. 

Walking and taking photos is a big part of loading my personal batteries. I am like a squirrel collecting the food for the winter storage. I can always look again at my pictures and have a little energy boost in the darkest times of the year. It is like breathing the green by just seeing something familiar and giving the brain the impulse to activate the feel good modus.

Today I took some pictures with my smartphone in Rembrandt park while my daughter was having a horse riding lesson. I fell in love with these almost empty branches of trees by the water. It is good to see the lines and forms which are normally hidden by the leaves in the summertime. What an effort to grow during the years and seasons to look like this. Wise and strong trees.

...Let your light shine!

Panton story part II: My twins are upstairs, facing each other. Two chairs instead of one. They look exactly the same, but have already a different history in my house. One had to wait longer to get cleaned, alone on the balcony for a night while the other chair was already inside in a warm room and looking good. Two chairs that I found from the street and wrote about on monday. 

Seeing these two empty chairs made me think again of communication. I have just started to write this blog and by doing that I have found a new way to communicate with my thoughts...expressing who I am in a different way. I also want to share my ideas and thoughts with other people. I read other blogs regularly, get inspiration and a little bit a feeling of meeting a friend when looking at the pictures and reading the stories. It is nice to notice that so many people have the same  sort of interests or values, but everybody have their own way to express their story.

With all new technology it is easy to react fast and just write what you think at that moment, also stay anonymous. At the same time it is sometimes also a relief, just follow things and what other people are doing...not to talk, not to listen. 

But in the end the real situation and facing the other person or people at that shared exact moment is so important. By this I mean that there are many things that are better to be said face to face than written between people. In a case of a conflict or experiencing negative feelings, even more important. Facing others and giving them chance to talk with you, giving the empathy a chance. 

But writing a blog is one way to share your voice, staying curious and open to life. Everyone has their own motivation to write and share, but every voice is valuable and unique. Let your light shine!

Tomorrow I will have a long walk outdoors to clear my head and get a new perspective on things! Something obviously is bothering me, but that is life sometimes.